According to the Arkansas Coalition Against Sexual Assault, more than 65% of all sexual assault victims are under the age of 18. Of every 10 people, nine have identified the assailant as someone they know. We talked to two doctors Thursday about the problems related to sexual abuse.
"A lot of times in working with children or even adolescents or adults who have been victims of any type of abuse, there can be a series of several different types of emotions," said Dr. Bill Smith, Clinical Manager at St. Bernard's Behavioral Health.
"If left untreated, sometimes this can result in major episodes of depression," said Smith.
Smith said sexual abuse can trigger anxiety, depression and nightmares later in life.
"A lot of emotions come to play and sometimes these emotions for some individuals can develop into some type of behavioral or mental illness," said Smith.
Smith said the best course of action for anyone suffering from sexual abuse symptoms need to seek the help of a medical professional.
According to Dr. Elmo Diaz, a psychiatrist with Families Inc, the major problem with sexual assault in victims of any age is that it often goes unreported.
"If we're able to raise awareness in the public, that number will shrink," said Diaz. "Obviously people don't recognize signs. People who are in touch with students, with the kids like the teachers or the parent itself."
"They're having emotions or feelings that kind of take them back to that abusive time. That can be very difficult the older you are. It's harder to do that sometimes," said Smith. "I think the more people are aware of this type of help in therapy and counseling can be very beneficial to children adolescents and adults."
"The first thing that we need to do is to listen to the children. Sometimes we brush off things that are not supposed to come out of a 3, 4 year old's mouth," said Diaz. "Sometimes they're telling you it's going on. What's going on?"
"If it's ongoing at the time, I would think the child is scared. The fear that they may have been threatened by the person who is abusing them or persons that are abusing them," said Smith. "They may have a fear that they're going to get hurt or that whoever the person is that's abusing them may hurt someone that they love in their family."
Diaz said one sign is that children become more isolated in society.
"Sudden avoidance of people and places, no I don't want to go, I don't want to go, that kind of thing. Pay attention to that," said Diaz.
"Fear would be probably the initial reason why the child or adolescent doesn't report that to a caregiver or a parent," said Smith.
Diaz said children tell one parent that the other is abusing them, but the report isn't recognized as believable because of denial.
"They have been sexually abused by one parent. They tell the other parent and they don't believe them. That kind of thing goes on a lot too," said Diaz. "No one sign alone will give us the clue of sexual abuse, but it's a group of things. If there is a sexual abuse, there will be a group of things."
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Showing posts with label Information. Show all posts
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Texas Child Protective Services Will Provide More Information About Children Who Die of Abuse
A state law that requires Texas Child Protective Services to provide the public with more information about children who die of abuse quietly went into effect this month.
Although the agency releases some basic information about children who die of abuse or neglect, the practice has never been uniform across the state. Now, within five days of a child abuse death, the agency will have to provide the child's gender, age, date of death, and whether the child was in a foster home or living with a parent or guardian or someone else at the time of death. Law enforcement agencies typically release the names of deceased children, once relatives are notified.
Also, CPS will now have 10 days to produce a report to the public after the agency completes its own investigation into how the child died.
That 10-day report will include whether abuse was a factor in the child's death, a summary of previous abuse reports and those report results, and a description of any services offered to the victim's family before the death.
The law is the third attempt by state Sen. Carlos Uresti, D-San Antonio, to get this information regularly released to the public.
He credited Texas Department of Family and Protective Services Commissioner Anne Heiligenstein for helping him craft a law that passed this last session.
“They have been much more willing to work with us this session than they have been in the past,” Uresti said.
“How are we every going to fix the problem if we don't know what the problems are?” he said.
Uresti first came up against the CPS confidentiality rules as a state representative, following the Christmas Day 2003 death of Jovonie Ochoa, a 4-year-old San Antonio child who had been starved to death by his family.
As a lawmaker and then-chairman of the Texas House Committee on Human Services, Uresti had access to all of the child's information, but the agency's own confidentiality rules barred him from discussing those details with the public.
“My hands were tied,” Uresti said.
Following Jovonie's death, it was revealed that CPS had visited his family the year before but lost track of the family and closed the case. About 20 percent of child abuse deaths in Texas involve children in families already known to CPS.
Three such cases this year in the Houston area prompted Heiligenstein to send a team here to review the agency's investigations.
Two-month-old Amber Maccurdy of Katy, 4-year-old Emma Thompson of Spring and 3-year-old David Lee Tijerina of Conroe all died from abuse after CPS had visited their homes to check on them.
Although the agency releases some basic information about children who die of abuse or neglect, the practice has never been uniform across the state. Now, within five days of a child abuse death, the agency will have to provide the child's gender, age, date of death, and whether the child was in a foster home or living with a parent or guardian or someone else at the time of death. Law enforcement agencies typically release the names of deceased children, once relatives are notified.
Also, CPS will now have 10 days to produce a report to the public after the agency completes its own investigation into how the child died.
That 10-day report will include whether abuse was a factor in the child's death, a summary of previous abuse reports and those report results, and a description of any services offered to the victim's family before the death.
The law is the third attempt by state Sen. Carlos Uresti, D-San Antonio, to get this information regularly released to the public.
He credited Texas Department of Family and Protective Services Commissioner Anne Heiligenstein for helping him craft a law that passed this last session.
“They have been much more willing to work with us this session than they have been in the past,” Uresti said.
“How are we every going to fix the problem if we don't know what the problems are?” he said.
Uresti first came up against the CPS confidentiality rules as a state representative, following the Christmas Day 2003 death of Jovonie Ochoa, a 4-year-old San Antonio child who had been starved to death by his family.
As a lawmaker and then-chairman of the Texas House Committee on Human Services, Uresti had access to all of the child's information, but the agency's own confidentiality rules barred him from discussing those details with the public.
“My hands were tied,” Uresti said.
Following Jovonie's death, it was revealed that CPS had visited his family the year before but lost track of the family and closed the case. About 20 percent of child abuse deaths in Texas involve children in families already known to CPS.
Three such cases this year in the Houston area prompted Heiligenstein to send a team here to review the agency's investigations.
Two-month-old Amber Maccurdy of Katy, 4-year-old Emma Thompson of Spring and 3-year-old David Lee Tijerina of Conroe all died from abuse after CPS had visited their homes to check on them.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Six Myths About Childhood Sexual Abuse
Before we start thinking about such dreadful topics as incest and other sexual abuse, I want to ask you to think for a moment about the number of children you know who wear braces on their teeth. We'll get back to that later.
Myth 1 - Childhood sexual abuse doesn't happen to people "like us."
Some people think childhood sexual abuse involves something out there, involves someone else... a dirty old man in a raincoat, for instance. Most sexual abuse is committed by a family member, a family friend, someone that the child and members of the child's family know. Childhood sexual abuse occurs in families that are faithful Roman Catholics or Baptists or members of no church at all. It happens in black and white families, in rich and poor families. A former Miss America has been very open in discussing her childhood sexual abuse, and so has Oprah Winfrey.
If you are working with young people in an elite prep school or in a juvenile prison, you are working with someone who has been sexually abused.
Myth 2 - Only men sexually abuse children, and only girls are abused.
The truth is, as many as one quarter of sexual abusers are women, and the proportions of boys and girls abused are about equal.
Myth 3 - The adult must be drunk or on drugs to do such a thing.
Childhood sexual abuse is so horrible, in fact, that we want to believe that the adult must be drunk or on drugs to do such a thing. Of course, the use of alcohol and drugs—of alcohol and other drugs—is involved in many sexual offenses. But there are many people who use drugs who do not abuse children, and there are people who abuse children who will not allow alcohol in their homes.
Myth 4 - The adult cannot help himself/herself. He/she is so attracted to the child.
This is not about "abusive sex with children." It is about "sexual abuse of children." Of course, in all honesty, perhaps most sexually "normal" (whatever that means) adults have probably seen a young person, let's hope at youngest a teenager, and felt sexually attracted.
But, these myths are not about sex but abuse. What happens in any abuse of children? A stronger person takes advantage of a weaker person, imposes his or her feelings onto the weaker person. A person who weighs maybe a hundred eighty pounds takes advantage of someone who weighs perhaps forty pounds to act out his/her anger or frustration or drunkenness. Imagine that you are facing a seven hundred pound sumo wrestler... and he has just been fired.
Sex is just one more way of taking advantage. Many sexual abusers offend against boys and girls alike, because it is not a matter of being attracted to boys or to girls but of being attracted to anyone smaller, weaker. Quite often, the child can understand the issue of power even though he or she is too young to understand what sex is about. That sense of powerlessness stays with survivors of childhood sexual abuse long after the abuse ends.
Myth 5 - Incest is not as bad as other sexual abuse since the child at least recognizes, knows, and perhaps loves the adult.
That the child knows and loves the adult makes incest the worst abuse of all. If you are being abused by your father, stepfather, uncle, or grandfather—or your mother, stepmother, aunt, or grandmother—then you are being abused by someone who should be there to protect you from abuse. The people you should trust violate that trust, and you may never be able to trust anyone again.
Myth 6 - ...
The final myth is so awful, so dangerous that I am not going to call it a myth anymore. It is a lie, purely and simply, a lie. This lie is that the child somehow wants, asks for, or brings about the sexual abuse. I have friends whose abuse began before they started to school.
If you do not remember anything else from this aticle, remember this: The child is not responsible for the sexual abuse. The child is not and cannot be responsible for the sexual abuse. The child is not and is never under any circumstances responsible for the sexual abuse. And, in case there is any doubt, any sexual contact between an adult and a child is abuse.
Now that we've gone through five myths and a lie about childhood sexual abuse, I want to review them, but this time, I want to tell you the six corresponding truths about childhood sexual abuse:
Truth 1 - Childhood sexual abuse occurs in all groups.
Yes, even in your group.
Truth 2 - Not all sexual abusers are men.
Nor are all victims girls.
Truth 3 - Alcohol and other drugs are not necessarily a part of childhood sexual abuse.
They certainly are not an excuse.
Truth 4 - Childhood sexual abuse is a form of child abuse.
It is about power, not about sexual attraction.
Truth 5 - Incest is the worst kind of childhood sexual abuse.
That is, if we can say that one form is worse than another.
Truth 6 - The child is not responsible for the sexual abuse.
Take a minute to say that last one aloud: The child is not responsible... for the sexual abuse....
Braces?
I asked you about people wearing braces because... the number of children who wear braces is less than the number of children who are sexually abused.
Myth 1 - Childhood sexual abuse doesn't happen to people "like us."
Some people think childhood sexual abuse involves something out there, involves someone else... a dirty old man in a raincoat, for instance. Most sexual abuse is committed by a family member, a family friend, someone that the child and members of the child's family know. Childhood sexual abuse occurs in families that are faithful Roman Catholics or Baptists or members of no church at all. It happens in black and white families, in rich and poor families. A former Miss America has been very open in discussing her childhood sexual abuse, and so has Oprah Winfrey.
If you are working with young people in an elite prep school or in a juvenile prison, you are working with someone who has been sexually abused.
Myth 2 - Only men sexually abuse children, and only girls are abused.
The truth is, as many as one quarter of sexual abusers are women, and the proportions of boys and girls abused are about equal.
Myth 3 - The adult must be drunk or on drugs to do such a thing.
Childhood sexual abuse is so horrible, in fact, that we want to believe that the adult must be drunk or on drugs to do such a thing. Of course, the use of alcohol and drugs—of alcohol and other drugs—is involved in many sexual offenses. But there are many people who use drugs who do not abuse children, and there are people who abuse children who will not allow alcohol in their homes.
Myth 4 - The adult cannot help himself/herself. He/she is so attracted to the child.
This is not about "abusive sex with children." It is about "sexual abuse of children." Of course, in all honesty, perhaps most sexually "normal" (whatever that means) adults have probably seen a young person, let's hope at youngest a teenager, and felt sexually attracted.
But, these myths are not about sex but abuse. What happens in any abuse of children? A stronger person takes advantage of a weaker person, imposes his or her feelings onto the weaker person. A person who weighs maybe a hundred eighty pounds takes advantage of someone who weighs perhaps forty pounds to act out his/her anger or frustration or drunkenness. Imagine that you are facing a seven hundred pound sumo wrestler... and he has just been fired.
Sex is just one more way of taking advantage. Many sexual abusers offend against boys and girls alike, because it is not a matter of being attracted to boys or to girls but of being attracted to anyone smaller, weaker. Quite often, the child can understand the issue of power even though he or she is too young to understand what sex is about. That sense of powerlessness stays with survivors of childhood sexual abuse long after the abuse ends.
Myth 5 - Incest is not as bad as other sexual abuse since the child at least recognizes, knows, and perhaps loves the adult.
That the child knows and loves the adult makes incest the worst abuse of all. If you are being abused by your father, stepfather, uncle, or grandfather—or your mother, stepmother, aunt, or grandmother—then you are being abused by someone who should be there to protect you from abuse. The people you should trust violate that trust, and you may never be able to trust anyone again.
Myth 6 - ...
The final myth is so awful, so dangerous that I am not going to call it a myth anymore. It is a lie, purely and simply, a lie. This lie is that the child somehow wants, asks for, or brings about the sexual abuse. I have friends whose abuse began before they started to school.
If you do not remember anything else from this aticle, remember this: The child is not responsible for the sexual abuse. The child is not and cannot be responsible for the sexual abuse. The child is not and is never under any circumstances responsible for the sexual abuse. And, in case there is any doubt, any sexual contact between an adult and a child is abuse.
Now that we've gone through five myths and a lie about childhood sexual abuse, I want to review them, but this time, I want to tell you the six corresponding truths about childhood sexual abuse:
Truth 1 - Childhood sexual abuse occurs in all groups.
Yes, even in your group.
Truth 2 - Not all sexual abusers are men.
Nor are all victims girls.
Truth 3 - Alcohol and other drugs are not necessarily a part of childhood sexual abuse.
They certainly are not an excuse.
Truth 4 - Childhood sexual abuse is a form of child abuse.
It is about power, not about sexual attraction.
Truth 5 - Incest is the worst kind of childhood sexual abuse.
That is, if we can say that one form is worse than another.
Truth 6 - The child is not responsible for the sexual abuse.
Take a minute to say that last one aloud: The child is not responsible... for the sexual abuse....
Braces?
I asked you about people wearing braces because... the number of children who wear braces is less than the number of children who are sexually abused.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Female sexual abuse: The untold story of society's last taboo
Sharon Hall is a small, timid figure with wide brown eyes that dart nervously between the floor and her hands as she speaks.
During our conversation, her sentences fluctuate between slow, fractured prose and sudden, spluttering outbursts as her words fall over each other in a fight to assemble. It has been almost 10 years since Sharon last tried to speak about the childhood memories she has spent much of her life trying to suppress – and that particular encounter, as we shall see, left her feeling sorrily dejected. The experience of sharing her story today she describes as a gruelling rite of passage, one she feared would prove too painful to complete: "Every moment I feel the effects of what I went through," she starts in a small, raspy voice, pausing briefly to brush an imaginary strand of hair from her cheek, before continuing, "I've been trapped by my past for all these years. Being able to finally talk about it is strangely exhilarating."
The story that Sharon, who is now 40, has been unable to tell before today is one that few would wish to hear: from as far back as she can remember until the day she left home at the age of 16, Sharon, an only child, was sexually abused by her mother. The particulars of her abuse are too horrific to bear repeating in detail; this was sustained sexual violence, which she suffered silently at the hands of the one person who was supposed to love and protect her above all others.
Sharon's ordeal went undetected for her entire childhood, despite her becoming increasingly withdrawn over the years; her weight fell to below six stone by the age of 15, and she had few if any friends at school. The problem was, she says, that even if others had suspected something was wrong, few would have guessed what it was – and fewer still would have wanted to know the whole truth. "I did try telling my doctor once," she says, blinking heavily, pulling at her shirt, "but it's like I said, no one really wants to know that."
It was at the age of 30, when she became pregnant with her own daughter, that Sharon finally summoned the courage to speak to her GP for the first time about what had happened to her. Her fear was that if she didn't seek help to overcome her issues, they could in turn have a damaging effect on her unborn child. But her doctor's response was: "Don't be silly, mothers don't sexually abuse children. You're understandably worried about becoming a parent yourself, but don't let your imagination run away with you."
And it seems this reaction is all too common.
While researching this piece, I spoke to a number of adults – men and women – who as children endured horrific sexual abuse at the hands of their mothers, aunts, grandmothers and female carers. Very few of them had ever had a chance to tell their story before, and the effect of keeping their experiences to themselves for so long has had a disastrous effect on their mental state.
Sharon's mental scars are manifest in her serious anorexia and agoraphobia, and the effect on her daughter has been devastating, too; Debbie, who is now 10, suffers from severe panic attacks and low self- esteem. "The problem," Sharon explains, "was that I never knew how to bond with Debbie. I was terrified of even touching her."
Sharon says that she might have learnt to cope better if she had been given the help she so desperately needed when she approached her doctor before her child was born. "You can't imagine how deflating it is after all those years of keeping your disgusting secret to finally get the courage to tell someone and then be told that you're making it up," she recalls. "But the worst thing about it is that even though my mother is now dead – and never even met her granddaughter – she has managed to ruin my daughter's childhood too."
The systemic denial of female sexual abuse is one of the scandals of our times. While in recent years the issue of male paedophilia has been placed firmly at the forefront of public debate in Britain, with endless high-profile media and Government campaigns bringing this formerly underground issue into the public spotlight, it seems that the involvement of women in cases of child molestation is an enduring taboo, and in order to break that wall of silence we must start by addressing a series of serious shortfalls that run throughout the child protection services in this country.
According to Zoe Hilton, policy advisor for child protection at the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC), "Professionals in all areas of the system tend to be disbelieving of cases of female sexual abuse". In her role at the NSPCC, Hilton is responsible for lobbying the Government and advising on what systems need to be put in place to tackle the sexual abuse of children across the board. She argues that – as a first step – there needs to be "far more training and education and greater reporting of female sexual abuse when such cases do come to light".
Yet, she continues, it is hard to imagine how the child welfare system is supposed to progress when the underlying denial of the issue of women who sexually abuse runs far deeper, throughout society and into the very Government departments charged with overseeing and directing these individual welfare organisations.
Hilton is not the only one to have noticed how deep-rooted the problem is. Michele Elliott is the founder of the children's charity Kidscape, which she set up in 1984. She observes that the situation now is very similar in many respects to that in the Seventies and Eighties, when the existence of paedophilia in any shape or form was scarcely believed. Around the time that she set up Kidscape, Elliott recalls approaching the Department of Health and expressing concerns over the cases of male sexual abuse she was learning of in her line of work. The response of officials there, she says, was: "This is not a problem in this country."
These days, of course, we can hardly ignore the issue of the sexual abuse of children in Britain. According to ChildLine, the 24-hour counselling service provided by the NSPCC, the number of reports they receive is at an all-time high. Some 13,237 children called their helpline with such stories – an increase of more than 50 per cent in three years. The NSPCC claims that as many as one in six people in Britain suffers sexual abuse by the time they are 18 years old. Yet, while such figures have forced us to face the reality of male child sex abuse in the UK, there are enduring myths that surround our ideas of paedophilia – including ideas about the type of people who abuse.
As well as founding Kidscape, Elliott is also a child psychologist with 40 years' experience and the author of Female Sexual Abuse of Children: The Ultimate Taboo. She understands all too well that predators come in all shapes and sizes, male and female. In the early Nineties, while researching her book on female sexual abuse, Elliott was a guest on the Richard and Judy breakfast show. During her brief television appearance, she invited viewers with personal experiences of female sexual abuse to phone in and share their stories. Immediately, she says, the lines started buzzing. There was barely enough time on air to answer a fraction of the calls she received from men and women of all ages, from across the country, getting in touch to share their stories.
Since then, Elliott has been contacted by some 800 victims, 780 of them in the UK, each desperate just to talk. In a large percentage of these cases, the abuse took place within the family home, which is one of the reasons why cases of female sexual abuse are so incredibly hard to spot. Yet, sadly, this doesn't mean that the abuse isn't happening. As Elliott points out: "Considering that I am just one woman working for one relatively small charity, and this many people have managed to get in touch with me, I dread to think of the true scale of the problem."
Extraordinarily, in the vast majority of cases involving female sexual abuse (of both boys and girls), the child's mother turns out to be involved in that abuse, whether offending alone or with another woman or a man. Almost all of the victims who have contacted Elliott to share their stories have mentioned being "brainwashed", and many have spoken of being made to believe that their abuse was what constituted parental love.
Very few have ever before felt able to talk about the abuse because they feared they would not be believed – and those who have already come forward, to a doctor or therapist, have usually had their worst fears realised. One man, now 60 years old, recalls: "When I tried to tell my therapist of my abuse when I was 35, I was told: 'You are having fantasies about your mother and you need more therapy to deal with that.' In reality, my mother had been physically and sexually abusing me for as long as I can remember. The abuse was horrific, including beatings and sadomasochistic sex."
Another victim recalls how she had been sexually abused by her babysitter between the ages of six and 10. She explains: "I actually thought all babysitters did that to kids until we got another babysitter. When I tried to get her to have oral sex with me she told my mother and I got into trouble. Believe me, from then on I kept it a secret."
Quite how much it meant just to be listened to and believed was summed up in one letter sent to Elliott soon after her appearance on Richard and Judy: "Finally someone is willing to open up the subject of female sex abuse and really listen to us victims," the woman wrote. "This is fabulous – a day I never thought would come." But sadly it seems her response might have been optimistic, as very little seems to have been done on a wider level in the intervening years to help bring the matter of female sexual abuse out into the open.
And this view is one corroborated by a number of frustrated officials currently working in child welfare organisations and different parts of the British justice system, who wish to remain anonymous. These individuals say they just aren't being given the tools they need to address this issue, or even being made aware that it is an issue at all. This is perhaps not surprising when you learn that there is hardly any official information available pertaining specifically to the area of women who sexually abuse children, and barely any research being carried out, either. There have been a couple of Government-led initiatives to educate officials in welfare agencies about the issue – including a conference held in Manchester last April entitled "Child Abuse: The Female Offender". But still nowhere near enough is being done.
In fact, during the course of my research for this article, all I could find – under the direction of several Government press officers, from the Ministry of Justice to the Home Office – was a figure relating to the number of women who have been convicted of sexual offences in the UK. This figure derives from a report released in 2006, and suggests that women form just 0.5 per cent of all sex offenders in prison, and around 1 per cent of convicted sex offenders in England and Wales.
Yet this is not entirely helpful – as conviction rates in cases involving sexual offences across the board are hardly indicative of the true state of affairs. Indeed, the 0.5 per cent statistic might be more useful in highlighting the shortcomings of the British justice system than painting a true picture of female sexual abuse. Prosecutions in cases of sexually motivated crimes in the UK are generally few and far between, and rarely reflect the true story. Take the proportion of reports of rape cases that result in prosecution in Britain, for instance. This is the lowest in Europe, according to a study released earlier this year, which claimed that the rate in England and Wales is just 6.5 per cent, and an even more pitiful 2.9 per cent in Scotland.
Furthermore, conviction rates only tell us about cases that actually make it to court, and according to one expert, Hilary Aldridge, the large majority of all cases of sexual abuse aren't even reported – as many as 90 per cent, she says – let alone put before a judge. In the unlikely event that a case of sexual abuse is reported, there is still a long and arduous process to go through in order to get it to court.
Aldridge is the chief executive of the Lucy Faithfull foundation, one of the few organisations in the UK which works solely with female abusers. She works on a daily basis with offenders in cases referred to her organisation by the family and criminal courts. She explains how tricky it can be to get a case of child abuse to court. "In the first instance, a child has to first come forward and tell someone what is happening, which is often extremely difficult for them to do," she explains. "Or someone else needs to notice that something is wrong, and then pick up on what that is. They then have to make the police take the allegation seriously and if they are able to do that, which is often difficult, then the child protection services will become involved and someone there has to take it seriously, too."
All things considered, we might do better to look somewhere other than the Government data for an idea of the prevalence of cases of child abuse involving female offenders in the UK – and the most widely respected sources for this are the independent studies from ChildLine and the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, which are believed to provide a much more accurate picture. Suddenly, the issue of female sexual abuse doesn't look quite as uncommon as we might otherwise have believed.
In 2004, childline asked each of those callers who were ringing their helpline about sexual abuse to tell them the gender of their abuser. It revealed that over the period of one year, 11 per cent of callers said they were being abused by a woman: a total of 8,637 children, of whom 6,538 were girls and 2,099 boys. The NSPCC also conducted its own research in 2005, the results of which suggest that around 5 per cent of children who suffer sexual abuse in Britain do so at the hands of a woman, which is the number regularly cited by other experts in the field. But as Zoe Hilton, the charity's policy advisor for child protection, suggests: "The true extent of female sexual abuse is still a hidden picture." Furthermore, it is not a picture that many seem in any hurry to clarify.
One of the biggest problems, of course, is that the idea that women can and do sexually abuse children is highly provocative in itself – a fact confirmed by a spokeswoman for the Child Exploitation and Online Protection Services (CEOP), a newly formed Government taskforce charged with "eradicating the sexual abuse of children" in Britain. "Women are perceived as the nurturers, those who are there to look after our young people," she explains, adding that female sexual abuse is often even more threatening than male sexual abuse as it undermines what we understand about the way women relate to children. In order for us to recognise it, the spokeswoman continues, we have to set our preconceptions aside. Otherwise, children will continue to suffer in silence: "How can a child be expected to understand they are being abused and that what they are enduring is wrong if we as a society cannot recognise women as abusers?" she asks.
Sexual abuse is usually understood as something bound up with issues of male aggression and power, and the idea of a female abuser totally undermines this well-established belief. Then there is a further problem in getting female abuse recognised: many people simply don't understand how – practically – a woman could abuse.
Understandably, this is a sensitive and highly emotive subject, the fallout from which Michele Elliott of Kidscape has witnessed at first hand. In 1992, she held a conference in London while compiling her book on the subject of female sexual abuse. She recalls how 30 women turned up to disrupt her address: "They stood up and started yelling about how terrible it was that I was detracting from the fact that male power was to blame. It is very disappointing when you encounter such extreme and closed-minded reactions. I was simply responding to what victims had told me."
And such closed-mindedness is rife in the criminal- justice system too, Hilary Aldridge confirms: "There is a tendency in the courts to see the woman as a victim of a male counterpart." But this isn't always the case by any means. Even when there is a male co-offender, this doesn't automatically mean that the female partner is an unwilling accomplice.
Indeed, one of the most disturbing aspects of child abuse committed by women is that – according to studies by independent researchers and highly respected charities – the large majority of it takes place in the home. Aldridge asserts that 60 per cent of cases take place within the family unit – and "women who abuse children regularly do so in the guise of normal, basic care". This, of course, is part of what makes it so hard to detect.
Sharon Hall, whose abuse by her mother went unnoticed for her entire childhood, knows all too well the devastating effects of being forced to suffer in silence. "If I'd had just the smallest impression that I'd be believed," she says, "I might have had the guts to come forward." The reality, she says, is that no one wanted to know what she was going through, and even today we continue to switch ourselves off from the suffering of an unknown number of children across the country.
If we are to have any chance at all of saving those children who are suffering now and those who will no doubt be suffering in the future, she says, the best place to start is by opening our eyes to the abuse going on around us. "I never had the chance to come to terms with what happened, and not only has my life been ruined, but so in turn has my daughter's," Sharon concludes. "All I hope now is that by coming forward and raising awareness of this issue, that I might in some small way be able to help those children for whom it isn't too late."
Saturday, August 1, 2009
New Software to Battle Child Porn on the Web
Householders and computer users will now have another weapon to limit the spread illegal child pornography sites on the internet.
Ecpat Child Alert, an anti child prostitution and pornography organisation, has developed new software that lets users report suspected illegal sites to the authorities, with just a click of the mouse.
Millions of images of shocking and graphic child sex abuse are spread by the internet to users everyday.
Alan Bell, Ecpat director, says the images of real children.
"Every time those images are viewed by different people the abuse happens all over again," says Bell.
He says while people think such images are highly unlikely to enter their computers at home, they are very mistaken.
"There'd be tens of thousands of clicks not people but clicks every day here in New Zealand trying to access illegal child sex abuse images. It's a startling figure," says Bell.
Now internet users in New Zealand can do something about it thanks to new software that is both free and simple to use.
Once installed, if a user gets a pop up or visit a site they suspect contains child pornography, a click on the child alert icon will send details of the site to Ecpat Child Alert and they in turn will send it through to the Department of Internal Affairs.
"If it does contain illegal child sex images, they can block access to it so nobody else can see that particular site," says Bell.
And the whole process is completely anonymous and nothing is traced back to the user.
Minister of Internal Affairs Nathan Guy says there is no silver bullet in fighting child porn.
He says parents' needs to keep an eye on their children's use of the internet and be ever vigilant.
In the first half of this year, more than 25 people have been convicted for watching, storing or distributing child pornography in New Zealand.
Bell says child pornography is very much an issue in New Zealand and that is why the company opened up the hotline.
Free software will be available at all body shops and on the child alert website from next week.
_______________________
http://tvnz.co.nz/technology-news/new-software-battle-web-child-porn-2882253
Ecpat Child Alert, an anti child prostitution and pornography organisation, has developed new software that lets users report suspected illegal sites to the authorities, with just a click of the mouse.
Millions of images of shocking and graphic child sex abuse are spread by the internet to users everyday.
Alan Bell, Ecpat director, says the images of real children.
"Every time those images are viewed by different people the abuse happens all over again," says Bell.
He says while people think such images are highly unlikely to enter their computers at home, they are very mistaken.
"There'd be tens of thousands of clicks not people but clicks every day here in New Zealand trying to access illegal child sex abuse images. It's a startling figure," says Bell.
Now internet users in New Zealand can do something about it thanks to new software that is both free and simple to use.
Once installed, if a user gets a pop up or visit a site they suspect contains child pornography, a click on the child alert icon will send details of the site to Ecpat Child Alert and they in turn will send it through to the Department of Internal Affairs.
"If it does contain illegal child sex images, they can block access to it so nobody else can see that particular site," says Bell.
And the whole process is completely anonymous and nothing is traced back to the user.
Minister of Internal Affairs Nathan Guy says there is no silver bullet in fighting child porn.
He says parents' needs to keep an eye on their children's use of the internet and be ever vigilant.
In the first half of this year, more than 25 people have been convicted for watching, storing or distributing child pornography in New Zealand.
Bell says child pornography is very much an issue in New Zealand and that is why the company opened up the hotline.
Free software will be available at all body shops and on the child alert website from next week.
_______________________
http://tvnz.co.nz/technology-news/new-software-battle-web-child-porn-2882253
Monday, July 27, 2009
Tips to Healing From Child Sexual Abuse
"Had I not gone through it myself, I would have never believed such a thing could happen to a child" - Yushima Cherry.
One may find that during recovery, they are met with denial and minimization from the abusive adult or non-abusive adult. It is necessary for recovery to acknowledge true feelings and accept them. It is also pertinent to understand that others may not be in a place to accept what happened, if confrontation is a chosen healing method it must be understood that, the perpetrators own their feelings and the survivors own their own feelings. There is little worse than reaching out to someone for something they have done to cause pain and being rejected. To avoid this recycling of abuse, expectations should be from yourself for your own personal recovery. With a made up mind, have a plan of action for the reaction from the person at fault. Be sure to have a support system ready to intervene on your behalf and/or to ensure that much needed comfort that comes during the healing process.
Tips to healing from child sexual abuse
1. "Take your time. Don't rush to forgive the perpetrators before identifying your feelings about the abuse and the abuser. Allow yourself permission to feel the hurt, fear, and humiliation. As you begin to recognize unfairness of your childhood-in the course of regaining your power- you will probably need to express your outrage at what happened and at the individuals who were responsible," Mike Lew. Once your feelings have been identified, whether or not one chooses to confront the abuser, forgiveness is key for complete recovery. It releases the control that the abuser has on the survivor of child sexual abuse.
2. Protect yourself. Beware of getting trapped by pity. Be careful not to yield to the inclination to protect or take care of the perpetrator. Even though you may care deeply for him, he is not in need of your protection-you are! Forgiveness does not condone continued abuse. Your recovery is in everyone's best interest.
3. Explore your real feelings. When you think of forgiveness, what feelings arise when you do? Pay attention to those feelings. From the Christian perspective, forgiveness is necessary to move on in the healing process. From the counseling perspective, forgiveness releases the control the abuser has over the survivor. Whatever your belief, consider forgiveness. For a video of encouragement, please click here.
4. You can change your mind. Recovery is a dynamic process. Things change. What is appropriate at one point in recovery may be irrelevant at another. Right now you may feel that you will never get to the point of forgiving the perpetrator, and later find that those feelings are quite different. Continue to work through your issues and focus on your strengths. If you pray, pray for the ability to forgive and ask that you receive what you need for this very moment. If you don't pray, ask someone to pray for you. If you have already tried everything else, why not prayer?
5. Forgiveness takes on different forms. If you choose to forgive the perpetrator, there are a number of ways to do so. you can say so directly. This will allow you to get an immediate response. As with confrontation, be aware that the response you receive may be quite different than you anticipated. There will be no Hollywood-style reconciliation scene with music and flowers. Declaring forgiveness may be a beginning step in building a viable relationship. Or your forgiveness may be rejected or misinterpreted.
Remember to prepare yourself for the possibility of disappointment. Forgiveness is for you and your recovery, keep that in mind.
If direct contact is not what you want, you can declare forgiveness on the telephone or by letter. The latter, of course, allows you to state what you wish without interruption. You can also forgive someone without telling him directly, manifesting it through your behavior. Finally, you can forgive someone in your heart without doing anything directly. It is your decision.
6. It isn't "all or nothing." Forgiveness doesn't have to be all at once for every single thing that the abuser did. New memories and situations may arise and the forgiving process may have to begin all over again. You may find yourself in the midst of anger and disappointment during these times, but be encouraged this is all part of the healing process.
7. Think about what you mean by forgiveness. It is important that in the process of forgiving a person, we do not condone the abuse. What happened to you was wrong. Child abuse is always bad. If you forgive the perpetrator, it must be with the understanding that you decided to bear no malice toward the person(s) that have committed a grievous offense against you. It is an act of pardon, not of exoneration.
For more information, or for questions and comments, please email
yushima@blackpoetreeworkshops.com.
There is hope in your future.
One may find that during recovery, they are met with denial and minimization from the abusive adult or non-abusive adult. It is necessary for recovery to acknowledge true feelings and accept them. It is also pertinent to understand that others may not be in a place to accept what happened, if confrontation is a chosen healing method it must be understood that, the perpetrators own their feelings and the survivors own their own feelings. There is little worse than reaching out to someone for something they have done to cause pain and being rejected. To avoid this recycling of abuse, expectations should be from yourself for your own personal recovery. With a made up mind, have a plan of action for the reaction from the person at fault. Be sure to have a support system ready to intervene on your behalf and/or to ensure that much needed comfort that comes during the healing process.
Tips to healing from child sexual abuse
1. "Take your time. Don't rush to forgive the perpetrators before identifying your feelings about the abuse and the abuser. Allow yourself permission to feel the hurt, fear, and humiliation. As you begin to recognize unfairness of your childhood-in the course of regaining your power- you will probably need to express your outrage at what happened and at the individuals who were responsible," Mike Lew. Once your feelings have been identified, whether or not one chooses to confront the abuser, forgiveness is key for complete recovery. It releases the control that the abuser has on the survivor of child sexual abuse.
2. Protect yourself. Beware of getting trapped by pity. Be careful not to yield to the inclination to protect or take care of the perpetrator. Even though you may care deeply for him, he is not in need of your protection-you are! Forgiveness does not condone continued abuse. Your recovery is in everyone's best interest.
3. Explore your real feelings. When you think of forgiveness, what feelings arise when you do? Pay attention to those feelings. From the Christian perspective, forgiveness is necessary to move on in the healing process. From the counseling perspective, forgiveness releases the control the abuser has over the survivor. Whatever your belief, consider forgiveness. For a video of encouragement, please click here.
4. You can change your mind. Recovery is a dynamic process. Things change. What is appropriate at one point in recovery may be irrelevant at another. Right now you may feel that you will never get to the point of forgiving the perpetrator, and later find that those feelings are quite different. Continue to work through your issues and focus on your strengths. If you pray, pray for the ability to forgive and ask that you receive what you need for this very moment. If you don't pray, ask someone to pray for you. If you have already tried everything else, why not prayer?
5. Forgiveness takes on different forms. If you choose to forgive the perpetrator, there are a number of ways to do so. you can say so directly. This will allow you to get an immediate response. As with confrontation, be aware that the response you receive may be quite different than you anticipated. There will be no Hollywood-style reconciliation scene with music and flowers. Declaring forgiveness may be a beginning step in building a viable relationship. Or your forgiveness may be rejected or misinterpreted.
Remember to prepare yourself for the possibility of disappointment. Forgiveness is for you and your recovery, keep that in mind.
If direct contact is not what you want, you can declare forgiveness on the telephone or by letter. The latter, of course, allows you to state what you wish without interruption. You can also forgive someone without telling him directly, manifesting it through your behavior. Finally, you can forgive someone in your heart without doing anything directly. It is your decision.
6. It isn't "all or nothing." Forgiveness doesn't have to be all at once for every single thing that the abuser did. New memories and situations may arise and the forgiving process may have to begin all over again. You may find yourself in the midst of anger and disappointment during these times, but be encouraged this is all part of the healing process.
7. Think about what you mean by forgiveness. It is important that in the process of forgiving a person, we do not condone the abuse. What happened to you was wrong. Child abuse is always bad. If you forgive the perpetrator, it must be with the understanding that you decided to bear no malice toward the person(s) that have committed a grievous offense against you. It is an act of pardon, not of exoneration.
For more information, or for questions and comments, please email
yushima@blackpoetreeworkshops.com.
There is hope in your future.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Help change the laws pertaining to sexual child abuse!
I am writing with a heavy heart and am asking for my laws to be changed regarding limitations on sexual abuse offenders. This is a epidemic that affects many people and it is dishearten to see offenders have such short prison stays. With over 80,000 reported cases a year of sexual abuse in the United States alone, and with it estimated to be at least that number of unreported cases, it’s become clear child sexual abuse has come to be commonly regarded as a great cause of mental health problems at varying ages from child to adult life across North America. There is a two-tiered epidemic going on. First, there are the so-called “baby-boomers” who grew up in a generation where there was a “hush hush” rule about even saying the words sexual abuse, let alone accusing someone of it. So it never became socially acceptable even to report one of the most horrendous experiences a human being can endure and continue to suffer from, untreated, for the duration of their life.
It was right at the beginning of the baby boomers era (1945 – 1964) when the Universal Declaration of Human Rights on Dec. 10, 1948, they declared in Article five: “No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment”. It took that generation more than 30 years to begin talking about just how inhuman their perpetrators were throughout the 1940’s to the ‘70’s, and even before that.
Now, we’re faced with the second phase of the psychological remnants of the multiple decades of abuse, pasting it on to the next generations.
All of those thousands of new cases every year being added to the pile aren’t necessarily past victims of sexual abuse. In fact, only a small percentage (approx. 5%) of past victims become perpetrators. Past victims generally feel empathetic towards victims of abuse. This social epidemic that creeps into every neighborhood, and every social class needs to be slowed down at the very least. It’s a leading cause in the Americas of depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – PTSD, and many other psychological disorders which causes our society billions of dollars in medical and mental health care every year. Never mine the costs incurred in the justice system dealing with the offenders.
The really disturbing problem is that one single victim who has grown up with that secret that has tortured her or him for 20 years of self abuse, alcoholism/drug abuse, self-mutilation, thoughts of suicide and or attempts, the sleepless nights and nightmares, wondering if they’ll ever survive, yet waking up every day wishing they hadn’t.
What about the child who is destined to this? Who’s going to stop their pain?
We are asking for a change to help heal. Statue of Limitations-
How is there a limit on how long it takes someone to fight/face the effects of sexual abuse?!? It is proven that these memories can remain buried until something brings them to the surface again... so if it takes them longer to surface than the law allows, then the child molester just lucks out and goes free?!?!
The "act" doesn’t last long, but the "effects" of the act last FOREVER for the victim!
LONGER and STRICTER punishments-
WHY do we give longer/stricter sentences for crimes where no one was hurt?? We lock people up here in the United States for drunk driving, non payment of child support, theft, drugs and many other crimes for longer periods than we do the sick twisted individuals that use our kids as sex toys! I am not saying that these crimes are right, or that they should go unpunished. The man who molested me in the same state for over 12 years straight, then moved on to molest my little cousin for another 8-9 years, and did only a TOTAL of 6 months in the Saginaw County Jail on work release. Does that in anyway sound like a fair law to you??
Life with no parole for child rape or murder-Why in the world are we letting them back out on the streets to do it again? They do NOT need to be roaming our streets to pick out their next innocent victim.
Some type of a tracking system for those who are released back into our neighborhoods-
We can track our pets if they come up missing. We can track our kids with their phones. Why can't we require pedophiles to have a chip implanted if they are being released?
If we have to release them back into our neighborhoods then we need to be able to track them! Then we would have a much better chance of finding these poor kids who are snatched right out of their yards and houses! The minute an Amber Alert is issued on a child the tracking could begin on all known child predators. In MOST cases, that is who has them!! Many times they are never seen alive again! I believe if this had already been in place when little Nevaeh Buchanan in Monroe, Michigan, went missing, they would have had a chance of finding her alive. If they could have only started tracking the person of interest immediately….maybe little Nevaeh would be alive today
.
Some may say that is against human rights....
WHY should someone who uses a child for sexual pleasure have ANY RIGHTS???? Do our kids have the RIGHT to be kids, the RIGHT to be safe when they play in their yards and the RIGHT to enjoy life??. 88% of molestations are never reported (millions each year in the U.S. alone). The children do not tell for many reasons—shame, fear, guilt, relationship to offender, possible upheaval to family unit. Per most studies, 1 of 3 girls and 1 of 5-6 boys are molested—1.5 billion humans. The effects in adulthood can be critical— including earlier average mortality. Many victims die younger. I believe that this a a epidemic that is easy to over look but with studies like this show that 1 in 3 girls are molested. By changing the laws on offenders will allow repeat offenders from molesting again. The laws must be changed state to state due to Statutes of Limitations.
This petition ends on Dec 31.
Sign the petition: http://www.change.org/actions/view/help_change_the_laws_pertaining_to_sexual_child_abuse
It was right at the beginning of the baby boomers era (1945 – 1964) when the Universal Declaration of Human Rights on Dec. 10, 1948, they declared in Article five: “No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment”. It took that generation more than 30 years to begin talking about just how inhuman their perpetrators were throughout the 1940’s to the ‘70’s, and even before that.
Now, we’re faced with the second phase of the psychological remnants of the multiple decades of abuse, pasting it on to the next generations.
All of those thousands of new cases every year being added to the pile aren’t necessarily past victims of sexual abuse. In fact, only a small percentage (approx. 5%) of past victims become perpetrators. Past victims generally feel empathetic towards victims of abuse. This social epidemic that creeps into every neighborhood, and every social class needs to be slowed down at the very least. It’s a leading cause in the Americas of depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – PTSD, and many other psychological disorders which causes our society billions of dollars in medical and mental health care every year. Never mine the costs incurred in the justice system dealing with the offenders.
The really disturbing problem is that one single victim who has grown up with that secret that has tortured her or him for 20 years of self abuse, alcoholism/drug abuse, self-mutilation, thoughts of suicide and or attempts, the sleepless nights and nightmares, wondering if they’ll ever survive, yet waking up every day wishing they hadn’t.
What about the child who is destined to this? Who’s going to stop their pain?
We are asking for a change to help heal. Statue of Limitations-
How is there a limit on how long it takes someone to fight/face the effects of sexual abuse?!? It is proven that these memories can remain buried until something brings them to the surface again... so if it takes them longer to surface than the law allows, then the child molester just lucks out and goes free?!?!
The "act" doesn’t last long, but the "effects" of the act last FOREVER for the victim!
LONGER and STRICTER punishments-
WHY do we give longer/stricter sentences for crimes where no one was hurt?? We lock people up here in the United States for drunk driving, non payment of child support, theft, drugs and many other crimes for longer periods than we do the sick twisted individuals that use our kids as sex toys! I am not saying that these crimes are right, or that they should go unpunished. The man who molested me in the same state for over 12 years straight, then moved on to molest my little cousin for another 8-9 years, and did only a TOTAL of 6 months in the Saginaw County Jail on work release. Does that in anyway sound like a fair law to you??
Life with no parole for child rape or murder-Why in the world are we letting them back out on the streets to do it again? They do NOT need to be roaming our streets to pick out their next innocent victim.
Some type of a tracking system for those who are released back into our neighborhoods-
We can track our pets if they come up missing. We can track our kids with their phones. Why can't we require pedophiles to have a chip implanted if they are being released?
If we have to release them back into our neighborhoods then we need to be able to track them! Then we would have a much better chance of finding these poor kids who are snatched right out of their yards and houses! The minute an Amber Alert is issued on a child the tracking could begin on all known child predators. In MOST cases, that is who has them!! Many times they are never seen alive again! I believe if this had already been in place when little Nevaeh Buchanan in Monroe, Michigan, went missing, they would have had a chance of finding her alive. If they could have only started tracking the person of interest immediately….maybe little Nevaeh would be alive today
.
Some may say that is against human rights....
WHY should someone who uses a child for sexual pleasure have ANY RIGHTS???? Do our kids have the RIGHT to be kids, the RIGHT to be safe when they play in their yards and the RIGHT to enjoy life??. 88% of molestations are never reported (millions each year in the U.S. alone). The children do not tell for many reasons—shame, fear, guilt, relationship to offender, possible upheaval to family unit. Per most studies, 1 of 3 girls and 1 of 5-6 boys are molested—1.5 billion humans. The effects in adulthood can be critical— including earlier average mortality. Many victims die younger. I believe that this a a epidemic that is easy to over look but with studies like this show that 1 in 3 girls are molested. By changing the laws on offenders will allow repeat offenders from molesting again. The laws must be changed state to state due to Statutes of Limitations.
This petition ends on Dec 31.
Sign the petition: http://www.change.org/actions/view/help_change_the_laws_pertaining_to_sexual_child_abuse
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Reporting Child Abuse
Tulsa, OK
State law requires all teachers and administrators must report any suspected case of child abuse.
The big question: To whom do they report the cases?"
Laura Smolen's son, Ford, hasn't yet left the watchful eyes of mom- for school.
But, she knows that's right around the corner and teachers are soon to be a big part of his life.
"I feel like, nowadays, teachers spend more time with the kids than the parents do," said Smolen.
That means teachers see a lot.
Sometimes, the unthinkable- like signs of an abused child.
"We have to take care of our children," said Denzel Kesterson, with the Tulsa Classroom Teacher's Association. "That's the one thing we need to do."
One way TPS is trying to make sure child abuse is reported- the district's soon to be adopted, newly revised, "reporting child abuse" policy.
"Best not to think about it. If you suspect it, report it," said Kesterson.
He hopes the new changes will clear up any confusion for teachers that, he says, was brought on by the district's old policy.
"The language implied that they didn't have to call DHS, they could just tell their principal and they were done."
But, Kesterson says, that's not the case.
"It is still their responsibility to let DHS know, they aren't supposed to investigate."
For mom's like Smolen, even if it was her own child a teacher had a suspicion about, she says, better safe than sorry.
State law requires all teachers and administrators must report any suspected case of child abuse.
The big question: To whom do they report the cases?"
Laura Smolen's son, Ford, hasn't yet left the watchful eyes of mom- for school.
But, she knows that's right around the corner and teachers are soon to be a big part of his life.
"I feel like, nowadays, teachers spend more time with the kids than the parents do," said Smolen.
That means teachers see a lot.
Sometimes, the unthinkable- like signs of an abused child.
"We have to take care of our children," said Denzel Kesterson, with the Tulsa Classroom Teacher's Association. "That's the one thing we need to do."
One way TPS is trying to make sure child abuse is reported- the district's soon to be adopted, newly revised, "reporting child abuse" policy.
"Best not to think about it. If you suspect it, report it," said Kesterson.
He hopes the new changes will clear up any confusion for teachers that, he says, was brought on by the district's old policy.
"The language implied that they didn't have to call DHS, they could just tell their principal and they were done."
But, Kesterson says, that's not the case.
"It is still their responsibility to let DHS know, they aren't supposed to investigate."
For mom's like Smolen, even if it was her own child a teacher had a suspicion about, she says, better safe than sorry.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Recognizing Sexual Abuse in Your Child
How to Tell if Your Child is Being Sexually Abused
One of the worst fears that a parent has is that their child will be sexually abused. It doesn't matter how careful you are; you cannot protect your child 24 hours a day. It is a very scary world. If your child rides a school bus or is in daycare or just plays with other children, he or she is at risk. As much as we want to protect our children, we are still limited as to how much we can do.
It is important to let your child know about appropriate touch. It is important to let them know that they can always come to you if anyone is making them feel uncomfortable or scared. It is important that they know that you will not get angry with them if something happens to them. It is also important to know that if they can tell you that something horrible has happened to them, such as sexual abuse, and that you won't lose control. You need to remain calm even though you may want to kill the person who has hurt and molested them.
You may want to kill the person that has hurt your child, but remember that sometimes your child may love the person that has hurt them. If they hear you talking about how you would want to kill or beat up someone who has hurt them, they may not want to talk to you about being abused. I know that I would personally want to kill someone who sexually abused my child. I have been a survivor of sexual abuse and it is something that you can survive but it is very damaging. The idea of someone hurting my child is horrifying.
You may not have any reason to be concerned but if you ever notice these signs you may have a problem. I have listed some of the things that you may consider warning signs that your child has been sexually abused.
Signs of sexual abuse in your child.
1. Your child starts to withdraw and is not the happy child that they once were.
2. Your child starts to wet the bed or becomes compulsive and fearful.
3. Your child starts to cry and becomes extremely emotional for no apparent reason.
4. Your child begans to display inappropriate sexual behavior.
5. Your child starts having trouble in school, such as failing grades.
6. Your child's eating habits change. They may gain or lose weight unexpectedly.
7. Your child starts having nightmares and irrational fears. Fear of the dark or being alone.
8. Your child will not let you out of their sight.
9. Your child doesn't want to take baths or showers.
10. Your child loses interests in taking care of their personal hygiene.
11. Your child doesn't want to be hugged or kissed.
12. Your child starts avoiding certain people.
13. Your child loses interests in hobbies or sports.
14. Your child may become rebellious and angry.
These are just a few things that can be symptoms of sexual abuse by anyone. It doesn't have to be a family member or an adult. Children that have been sexually abused often abuse other children. This can often be more chilling because it is harder to detect. Many children have been sexually abused on school buses and in school playgrounds. It is a very scary world and even though we don't like to think about it, it still happens.
It is very important to talk to your child in a calm way about sexual abuse. It is also important to know that no matter how careful you are and how much you try to protect your child, that sexual abuse can still happen. I hope and pray that your child isn't a victim, but if you have any reason to suspect it maybe this article will help you detect it. Please find a counselor immediately for your child if you have any suspicions of sexual abuse.
__________________
Written by: Shana Dines, she is an Examiner from Indianapolis. You can see Shana's articles on Shana's Home Page.
One of the worst fears that a parent has is that their child will be sexually abused. It doesn't matter how careful you are; you cannot protect your child 24 hours a day. It is a very scary world. If your child rides a school bus or is in daycare or just plays with other children, he or she is at risk. As much as we want to protect our children, we are still limited as to how much we can do.
It is important to let your child know about appropriate touch. It is important to let them know that they can always come to you if anyone is making them feel uncomfortable or scared. It is important that they know that you will not get angry with them if something happens to them. It is also important to know that if they can tell you that something horrible has happened to them, such as sexual abuse, and that you won't lose control. You need to remain calm even though you may want to kill the person who has hurt and molested them.
You may want to kill the person that has hurt your child, but remember that sometimes your child may love the person that has hurt them. If they hear you talking about how you would want to kill or beat up someone who has hurt them, they may not want to talk to you about being abused. I know that I would personally want to kill someone who sexually abused my child. I have been a survivor of sexual abuse and it is something that you can survive but it is very damaging. The idea of someone hurting my child is horrifying.
You may not have any reason to be concerned but if you ever notice these signs you may have a problem. I have listed some of the things that you may consider warning signs that your child has been sexually abused.
Signs of sexual abuse in your child.
1. Your child starts to withdraw and is not the happy child that they once were.
2. Your child starts to wet the bed or becomes compulsive and fearful.
3. Your child starts to cry and becomes extremely emotional for no apparent reason.
4. Your child begans to display inappropriate sexual behavior.
5. Your child starts having trouble in school, such as failing grades.
6. Your child's eating habits change. They may gain or lose weight unexpectedly.
7. Your child starts having nightmares and irrational fears. Fear of the dark or being alone.
8. Your child will not let you out of their sight.
9. Your child doesn't want to take baths or showers.
10. Your child loses interests in taking care of their personal hygiene.
11. Your child doesn't want to be hugged or kissed.
12. Your child starts avoiding certain people.
13. Your child loses interests in hobbies or sports.
14. Your child may become rebellious and angry.
These are just a few things that can be symptoms of sexual abuse by anyone. It doesn't have to be a family member or an adult. Children that have been sexually abused often abuse other children. This can often be more chilling because it is harder to detect. Many children have been sexually abused on school buses and in school playgrounds. It is a very scary world and even though we don't like to think about it, it still happens.
It is very important to talk to your child in a calm way about sexual abuse. It is also important to know that no matter how careful you are and how much you try to protect your child, that sexual abuse can still happen. I hope and pray that your child isn't a victim, but if you have any reason to suspect it maybe this article will help you detect it. Please find a counselor immediately for your child if you have any suspicions of sexual abuse.
__________________
Written by: Shana Dines, she is an Examiner from Indianapolis. You can see Shana's articles on Shana's Home Page.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Working to End Child Abuse
In May and June the Pittsburg County Child Advocacy Center provided direct and indirect services to 35 alleged victims of child abuse and their non-offending family members.
The month of April was Child Abuse Prevention Month and it was spotlighted with several community activities, however Child Abuse happens everyday and requires constant attention to address the needs of the child and family and to pursue prosecution of offenders.
Child sexual and/or physical abuse can have consequences that last a lifetime, not just due to physical issues, but also due to emotional and psychological issues.
The Child Advocacy Center helps victims and families address the emotional and psychological issues through referral to appropriate services, such as counseling.
If you are aware of Child Abuse you can report it anonymously by calling locally to Child Protective Services at 421-6101 or by calling the Hotline at 800-522-3511.
Cecilia Miers is the Executive Director of the Pittsburg County Child Advocacy Center. For more information or requests for presentations, call 918-420-CARE (2273) or email pc-care_cm@sbcglobal.net. Make tax deductible donations to PC-CARE, Inc. and mail to 501 E. Delaware Ave., McAlester, OK 74501.
The month of April was Child Abuse Prevention Month and it was spotlighted with several community activities, however Child Abuse happens everyday and requires constant attention to address the needs of the child and family and to pursue prosecution of offenders.
Child sexual and/or physical abuse can have consequences that last a lifetime, not just due to physical issues, but also due to emotional and psychological issues.
The Child Advocacy Center helps victims and families address the emotional and psychological issues through referral to appropriate services, such as counseling.
If you are aware of Child Abuse you can report it anonymously by calling locally to Child Protective Services at 421-6101 or by calling the Hotline at 800-522-3511.
Cecilia Miers is the Executive Director of the Pittsburg County Child Advocacy Center. For more information or requests for presentations, call 918-420-CARE (2273) or email pc-care_cm@sbcglobal.net. Make tax deductible donations to PC-CARE, Inc. and mail to 501 E. Delaware Ave., McAlester, OK 74501.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Young Victims Of Abuse Remembered
Visitors gathered at Metropolitan Park on Saturday to see a beautiful flag display with powerful meaning. Each flag represented a child who died from child abuse.
Last year, 1,530 children died from child abuse or neglect; 146 of those children lived in Florida. There was one flag for each child who died.
"The first thought was it is so lovely to see all these flags, but when you see the reason that they're here, it's very heartbreaking," said Martha Braddock.
Saturday at Metropolitan Park, visitors remembered the children, and learned how to make sure kids like them don't suffer the same fate. Members of the National Exchange Club put the symbols up and held the event. The purpose wasn't just to remember those children lost, but to raise money for child abuse prevention. Proceeds went to the Exchange Club's programs that educate parents on how to take care of their kids.
Among the children remembered was 22-month-old Kyla Hall. The toddler died last year. The medical examiner said she was hit in the chest so hard that her little heart ripped right open. What happened to Kyla was the focus of a Channel 4 investigation. Kyla was returned to her father, although she had been severely abused as an infant. He is now charged with her murder. Stories like Kyla's drew people to the healing field on Saturday, in hopes that money raised would help stop children from being abused.
Tom Boyd told Channel 4's Vic Micolucci he believed education was key. He said, "We think that all we need to do is change the diapers and get out of that stage and everything will be home free, and that isn't exactly how that goes."
If you would like to find out how you can help the Exchange Club prevent child abuse, you can call Amanda at the club at 904-353-3585.
Last year, 1,530 children died from child abuse or neglect; 146 of those children lived in Florida. There was one flag for each child who died.
"The first thought was it is so lovely to see all these flags, but when you see the reason that they're here, it's very heartbreaking," said Martha Braddock.
Saturday at Metropolitan Park, visitors remembered the children, and learned how to make sure kids like them don't suffer the same fate. Members of the National Exchange Club put the symbols up and held the event. The purpose wasn't just to remember those children lost, but to raise money for child abuse prevention. Proceeds went to the Exchange Club's programs that educate parents on how to take care of their kids.
Among the children remembered was 22-month-old Kyla Hall. The toddler died last year. The medical examiner said she was hit in the chest so hard that her little heart ripped right open. What happened to Kyla was the focus of a Channel 4 investigation. Kyla was returned to her father, although she had been severely abused as an infant. He is now charged with her murder. Stories like Kyla's drew people to the healing field on Saturday, in hopes that money raised would help stop children from being abused.
Tom Boyd told Channel 4's Vic Micolucci he believed education was key. He said, "We think that all we need to do is change the diapers and get out of that stage and everything will be home free, and that isn't exactly how that goes."
If you would like to find out how you can help the Exchange Club prevent child abuse, you can call Amanda at the club at 904-353-3585.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Help Prevent Child Abuse
In 2007, 1,760 American children died as a result of abuse or neglect -- an increase of 15.5 percent from 2006. Since late 2008, increases in reports of child abuse and neglect have been linked to the weakened economy.
In 1974, Congress passed what was, and still is, the preeminent federal legislation addressing child abuse and neglect -- the Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act (CAPTA). CAPTA grants allow states to focus on preventing child abuse and neglect.
President Obama's recent budget request to Congress would freeze funding for CAPTA at just over $100 million -- where it has been for several years. But according to the Department of Health and Human Services, funding CAPTA at $200 million would fund prevention services for tens of thousands more children and families.
Fully funding CAPTA at $200 million would enable states to:
- direct funding toward preventing child abuse and providing needed services and treatment to families and children victimized by abuse or neglect,
- support proven, cost-effective approaches to preventing child abuse and neglect, and
-expand post-investigative services for child victims, shorten the service delivery time and increase services to other at-risk families.
For every federal dollar spent on foster care and adoption subsidies, the federal government spends less than 13 cents on preventing and treating child abuse and neglect. When you take into account funding for these programs over the last four years and consider inflation, that represents a cut of more than $10 million. That translates into a loss of support for services to abused children and their families, and a cut in funds for the number of caseworkers available to investigate cases of abuse and protect children from further harm.
It is time to invest additional resources in child abuse prevention and give our nation's children the protection they deserve by fully funding CAPTA at $200 million.
The House and Senate Appropriations Committees are drafting the fiscal year 2010 funding bill for the Department of Health and Human Services, including CAPTA.
Please ask your senator and your representative to fully fund CAPTA today.
Thank you for taking action!!
In 1974, Congress passed what was, and still is, the preeminent federal legislation addressing child abuse and neglect -- the Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act (CAPTA). CAPTA grants allow states to focus on preventing child abuse and neglect.
President Obama's recent budget request to Congress would freeze funding for CAPTA at just over $100 million -- where it has been for several years. But according to the Department of Health and Human Services, funding CAPTA at $200 million would fund prevention services for tens of thousands more children and families.
Fully funding CAPTA at $200 million would enable states to:
- direct funding toward preventing child abuse and providing needed services and treatment to families and children victimized by abuse or neglect,
- support proven, cost-effective approaches to preventing child abuse and neglect, and
-expand post-investigative services for child victims, shorten the service delivery time and increase services to other at-risk families.
For every federal dollar spent on foster care and adoption subsidies, the federal government spends less than 13 cents on preventing and treating child abuse and neglect. When you take into account funding for these programs over the last four years and consider inflation, that represents a cut of more than $10 million. That translates into a loss of support for services to abused children and their families, and a cut in funds for the number of caseworkers available to investigate cases of abuse and protect children from further harm.
It is time to invest additional resources in child abuse prevention and give our nation's children the protection they deserve by fully funding CAPTA at $200 million.
The House and Senate Appropriations Committees are drafting the fiscal year 2010 funding bill for the Department of Health and Human Services, including CAPTA.
Please ask your senator and your representative to fully fund CAPTA today.
Thank you for taking action!!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Child Abuse
What is not fully understood by parents that beat their children, some of the physical scars will disappear but the mental scars will linger on. A lot of parents believe in child discipline; especially when it is done properly and with the best intentions. A lot of parents do not believe in physically hitting someone who does not have the ability to defend themselves against someone that is approaching them with an object that can do physical damage.
When disciplining children, please note that there are other methods used today that does not require physical contact and are just as effective if used properly:
Time Outs (only in certain situations)
Children contracts with parents
Taking away something that the child is very fond of for a period of time
Limiting the child’s play time with friends
Taking their television time away
Giving the child an earlier bedtime than normal
Having the child to do extra chores around the house
Having a teen to do volunteer work for a center
Having a teen to assist a neighbor that needs assistance
Talk the problem through with the child
Parents understand that talking does not always help, but it’s a start. One point to remember; follow through on whatever consequence the child is to receive. If you don’t follow through, the child will learn to ignore the threat of being disciplined and continue to test the waters.
The four major types of abuse to children are:
Emotional
Neglect
Physical
Sexual:
Emotional is behavior that weakens a child’s emotional development or a sense of self-worth such as calling the child a bad name (stupid, dumb, idiot), rejecting the child, not loving the child or not giving the child proper support.
Neglect is failure to provide the basic needs for children suchas food, medical, a place to sleep, education, exposure to domesticviolence, and not responding to a child’s emotional needs. These factors do not necessarily mean that a child has been neglected. They could come from a home environment where poverty and community care is an issue and proper information and resources are needed.
Physical injury such as beating, shaking, choking, hitting the child with an object, or kicking are forms of physical abuse whether the person intended to harm the child or not.
Sexual consists of incest, indecent exposure, rape, fondling of the child’s genitals, sodomy and exposing a child to pornography.
Parents and caregivers must remember that abuse to a child has short and long term affects such as aggressive behavior, learning disorders, the child becoming anti-social, depression, and brain
damage if a child is hit upside the head. As the child gets older they may experiment with drugs or become an abuser of drugs and alcohol, have criminal behavior, and of course there’s teen pregnancy.
For more information about where and how to file a report, call Childhelp USA®, National Child Abuse Hotline (1-800-4-A-CHILD®).
When disciplining children, please note that there are other methods used today that does not require physical contact and are just as effective if used properly:
Time Outs (only in certain situations)
Children contracts with parents
Taking away something that the child is very fond of for a period of time
Limiting the child’s play time with friends
Taking their television time away
Giving the child an earlier bedtime than normal
Having the child to do extra chores around the house
Having a teen to do volunteer work for a center
Having a teen to assist a neighbor that needs assistance
Talk the problem through with the child
Parents understand that talking does not always help, but it’s a start. One point to remember; follow through on whatever consequence the child is to receive. If you don’t follow through, the child will learn to ignore the threat of being disciplined and continue to test the waters.
The four major types of abuse to children are:
Emotional
Neglect
Physical
Sexual:
Emotional is behavior that weakens a child’s emotional development or a sense of self-worth such as calling the child a bad name (stupid, dumb, idiot), rejecting the child, not loving the child or not giving the child proper support.
Neglect is failure to provide the basic needs for children suchas food, medical, a place to sleep, education, exposure to domesticviolence, and not responding to a child’s emotional needs. These factors do not necessarily mean that a child has been neglected. They could come from a home environment where poverty and community care is an issue and proper information and resources are needed.
Physical injury such as beating, shaking, choking, hitting the child with an object, or kicking are forms of physical abuse whether the person intended to harm the child or not.
Sexual consists of incest, indecent exposure, rape, fondling of the child’s genitals, sodomy and exposing a child to pornography.
Parents and caregivers must remember that abuse to a child has short and long term affects such as aggressive behavior, learning disorders, the child becoming anti-social, depression, and brain
damage if a child is hit upside the head. As the child gets older they may experiment with drugs or become an abuser of drugs and alcohol, have criminal behavior, and of course there’s teen pregnancy.
For more information about where and how to file a report, call Childhelp USA®, National Child Abuse Hotline (1-800-4-A-CHILD®).
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Sexual Abuse Information
How many people have suffered sexual abuse as children?
It is estimated that between 20 – 40 percent of women and 2 – 9 percent of boys are sexually abused by the age of 18. These are conservative estimates since many people never tell.
What is child sexual abuse?
Child sexual abuse is any sexual behavior directed toward a child who has power over that child, and uses this power for self-gratification. It is very different from normal sexual curiosity. It can include things such as masturbation, intercourse, fondling, oral sex, and anal or vaginal penetration with objects. Other forms of sexual abuse that don’t involve physical contact are exhibitionism, leering, and suggestiveness.
Who are the abusers?
Almost always perpetrators are someone the victim knows well; someone they love and trust (think teachers, neighbors, coaches, pastors, and relatives). That’s why it is so confusing and so damaging. Often some things that the abuser offers may seem good (touch, feelings of specialness, gifts, attention, etc). The parts that seem good leave the victim feeling as if she/he asked for, deserved, or wanted it. Therefore, she/he is filled with shame, so she keeps the secret quiet. This is exactly how the perpetrator grooms his/her victim. Also, if there is one victim, there are usually many many more! Most perpetrators don't stop, they just get sneakier.
What are the effects of sexual abuse?
Feelings of worthlessness and shame
Sense of perfectionism
Not knowing how you feel
Feeling crazy
Substance abuse
Not feeling present in your body
Feeling as if you are not part of your body
Restricted range of emotions
Having a hard time loving yourself/accepting your body
Self injury or suicidal feelings
Finding it difficult to trust others
Wanting to trust others, but fearful of emotional intimacy
Difficulty making commitments
Expecting people to leave you
Using sex as “medicine” (using sex to get other needs met)
Avoiding sex in committed loving relationships
Staying present during lovemaking in committed love relationships
Flashbacks during sex
If you have experienced sexual abuse and suffer some of these symptoms, you can heal. It is important to find a therapist who specializes and understands the dynamics of sexual abuse.
It is estimated that between 20 – 40 percent of women and 2 – 9 percent of boys are sexually abused by the age of 18. These are conservative estimates since many people never tell.
What is child sexual abuse?
Child sexual abuse is any sexual behavior directed toward a child who has power over that child, and uses this power for self-gratification. It is very different from normal sexual curiosity. It can include things such as masturbation, intercourse, fondling, oral sex, and anal or vaginal penetration with objects. Other forms of sexual abuse that don’t involve physical contact are exhibitionism, leering, and suggestiveness.
Who are the abusers?
Almost always perpetrators are someone the victim knows well; someone they love and trust (think teachers, neighbors, coaches, pastors, and relatives). That’s why it is so confusing and so damaging. Often some things that the abuser offers may seem good (touch, feelings of specialness, gifts, attention, etc). The parts that seem good leave the victim feeling as if she/he asked for, deserved, or wanted it. Therefore, she/he is filled with shame, so she keeps the secret quiet. This is exactly how the perpetrator grooms his/her victim. Also, if there is one victim, there are usually many many more! Most perpetrators don't stop, they just get sneakier.
What are the effects of sexual abuse?
Feelings of worthlessness and shame
Sense of perfectionism
Not knowing how you feel
Feeling crazy
Substance abuse
Not feeling present in your body
Feeling as if you are not part of your body
Restricted range of emotions
Having a hard time loving yourself/accepting your body
Self injury or suicidal feelings
Finding it difficult to trust others
Wanting to trust others, but fearful of emotional intimacy
Difficulty making commitments
Expecting people to leave you
Using sex as “medicine” (using sex to get other needs met)
Avoiding sex in committed loving relationships
Staying present during lovemaking in committed love relationships
Flashbacks during sex
If you have experienced sexual abuse and suffer some of these symptoms, you can heal. It is important to find a therapist who specializes and understands the dynamics of sexual abuse.
The child murder epidemic: Deaths as shocking and avoidable as Baby P's happen every single week
As a nation, we became obsessed with the case of Baby P. We winced at the details of his unbelievably cruel death at the hands of his mother and her vicious boyfriend.
We were angered by the failure of social services to protect this innocent little boy from harm.
If there was any consolation in the outcry that followed, it was the thought that, in 21st-century Britain, such cases were rare. But this is a dangerously mistaken impression.
Sadly, there was nothing out of the ordinary about the ordeal of Baby P, or of eight-year-old Victoria Climbie - another notorious case of violence and neglect ten years earlier.
Deaths every bit as terrible as theirs take place nearly every week in this country, largely unnoticed and unreported.
The numbers are rising all the time, as a unique survey carried out for the Channel 4 Dispatches programme reveals.
For six months, researchers trawled through social service inquiries and reports from courts and inquests up and down the country.
The Freedom of Information Act had to be invoked to get some councils to release key documents.
In the end, we uncovered a total of 183 child killings between 2004 and 2008 attributed to a parent, a parent's partner or a carer.
In 2004, there were 29. The number doubled to 55 in 2007. The trend is upwards; shamingly so.
For a supposedly civilised society, the statistics make chilling reading . Two-thirds of the 183 victims were under five.
A third were less than a year old. Most were beaten to death, stabbed, smothered or strangled.
In nearly three-quarters of the cases, the killers were either the child's mother or father (and on rare occasions both).
One-fifth of deaths involved the mother's partner or new boyfriend. Men were twice as likely to kill as women.
But look behind the figures to the reality of these tortured lives and the picture that emerges is almost Dickensian in its horror.
For example, James Howson placed his 16-month-old daughter Amy - already skeletal from under-nourishment - across his knee and pressed down so hard he broke her back.
A mortem revealed 40 other wounds inflicted on her in the four weeks before her death, including six fractures to her arms and legs.
Howson had progressed from wife beating to child-beating - a not unusual phenomenon.
There were warning signs that, had they been picked up, might have prevented these deaths He had been expelled from school for violence, with a warning from a teacher that 'this boy will commit murder'.
____________________
More of the story:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1198725/The-child-murder-epidemic-Deaths-shocking-avoidable-Baby-Ps-happen-single-week.html
We were angered by the failure of social services to protect this innocent little boy from harm.
If there was any consolation in the outcry that followed, it was the thought that, in 21st-century Britain, such cases were rare. But this is a dangerously mistaken impression.
Sadly, there was nothing out of the ordinary about the ordeal of Baby P, or of eight-year-old Victoria Climbie - another notorious case of violence and neglect ten years earlier.
Deaths every bit as terrible as theirs take place nearly every week in this country, largely unnoticed and unreported.
The numbers are rising all the time, as a unique survey carried out for the Channel 4 Dispatches programme reveals.
For six months, researchers trawled through social service inquiries and reports from courts and inquests up and down the country.
The Freedom of Information Act had to be invoked to get some councils to release key documents.
In the end, we uncovered a total of 183 child killings between 2004 and 2008 attributed to a parent, a parent's partner or a carer.
In 2004, there were 29. The number doubled to 55 in 2007. The trend is upwards; shamingly so.
For a supposedly civilised society, the statistics make chilling reading . Two-thirds of the 183 victims were under five.
A third were less than a year old. Most were beaten to death, stabbed, smothered or strangled.
In nearly three-quarters of the cases, the killers were either the child's mother or father (and on rare occasions both).
One-fifth of deaths involved the mother's partner or new boyfriend. Men were twice as likely to kill as women.
But look behind the figures to the reality of these tortured lives and the picture that emerges is almost Dickensian in its horror.
For example, James Howson placed his 16-month-old daughter Amy - already skeletal from under-nourishment - across his knee and pressed down so hard he broke her back.
A mortem revealed 40 other wounds inflicted on her in the four weeks before her death, including six fractures to her arms and legs.
Howson had progressed from wife beating to child-beating - a not unusual phenomenon.
There were warning signs that, had they been picked up, might have prevented these deaths He had been expelled from school for violence, with a warning from a teacher that 'this boy will commit murder'.
____________________
More of the story:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1198725/The-child-murder-epidemic-Deaths-shocking-avoidable-Baby-Ps-happen-single-week.html
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