What is Normal in Child Sexuality?

What is normal in child sexuality? The media is saturated with sexual innuendos and connotations. Sometimes, it's not so hidden, but blatant in your face sexual behavior. Children mimic what they see, hear, witness and experience; the good, the bad and the ugly. Sometimes they are just acting out, sometimes it is much more. How do you know?

The fact is, many instances of child abuse goes unnoticed and unreported, not because people don't care, but because most are not sure what to do.

Ask yourself what you would do in the following situations?

You witness a four-year-old girl masturbating at your son's daycare during nap-time?

Your nephew is spending the weekend with you and your children, you notice him acting out sexually with a toy or another child?

You see a child with two black eyes in Walmart with his drunk father who is verbally abusing the him?

There is ONE answer for all of these situations:

If the child seems to be in immediate danger call 911!

Believe the child! Children rarely lie about abuse, in action or verbally.

Realize that it's not your fault and remove any sense of guilt from yourself and the child.

Do not question the child or the parents, instead comfort her/him and allow the child to express any feelings he/she may have concerning this matter.

Contact your local child welfare department, asap. If you are in Madison County, please call (256) 535-4500. (In most instances, you may remain anonymous)

It's not your job to figure out whether "it" really happened or not, leave that up to the professionals. If you suspect child abuse, your call may save a life.

The situation you come in contact with may not be as drastic as the one's listed above, most cases won't be. In fact, most instances are subtle and gradually become worse. The parents who abuse children are often overwhelmed and unaware of the resources available to them. There are ways they can become the parents their children deserve.

Alabama law is clear on reporting abuse and neglect of children under the age of 18. If you are someone who comes in regular contact with children, you can help. For more information, please visit www.dhr.state.al.us.

If you work with children- physician, nurse, teacher, social worker, director, daycare worker or foster parents- you should be aware of your legal obligation to report incidents of suspected or obvious child abuse and neglect. If you are a concerned citizen, neighbor, friend or family member who is aware of such incidents, please contact Alabama Department of Human Resources.

If you are a survivor of abuse or neglect, there is hope for your future, be encouraged. Help is available and the road to recovery is waiting for you.

For healing workshops and trainings on child sexual abuse please visit, www.blackpoetreeworkshops.com/services.

For more info: To tell your story or to read stories of survivors, please visit, www.nopeddy.com.

Knowing the Signals of Child Abuse

The child's scribbles didn't seem out of the ordinary at first. "What is that?" Ruben Luna asked.

"It's the treasure game," the 10-year-old told him. "These are my legs," she said pointing at a V. The "treasure" was where the two lines met. "This is a game I don't like playing," she told Luna.

Luna, a forensic interviewer at Estrella's House in Edinburg, talked to the girl two years ago after she complained that an adult had sexually abused her.

In one of the more attention-grabbing cases, a teacher from the La Joya school district was arrested on suspicion that he fondled a 7-yearold during a test. Before that, 10 first-grade students - mostly undocumented immigrants - told their parents that a computer lab proctor at the district had improperly touched them during class.

But Luna said children in the Valley are not being abused more frequently than in previous years - it only appears that way because more cases are being made public.

"It's been hitting the media lately, but it's always been there," Luna said. "People just don't hear about it."

Reports of abuse in the Valley are often hushed because children tend to grow up in small, tight-knit communities and families are embarrassed to talk about it.

"It's very taboo," said Robert Garcia, director of Estrella's House. "They don't want to deal with it."

Most children in Hidalgo County who are suspected of being sexually abused end up at Estrella's House. There, specialists interview children and work with police and prosecutors during criminal investigations into alleged abuse against minors.

Every year, hundreds of children pour into Luna's office. So many, in fact, that in the past six years Luna has talked to about 3,200 children who have made outcries.

School employees are not typically the focus of sexual abuse investigations - Luna said he deals with about seven such cases a year.

But parents need to be aware that it can happen, said John Lennan, a spokesman with the state's Child Protective Services Division. The agency strongly encourages parents to contact local authorities immediately if they suspect their child may be a victim of sexual abuse.

"They need to spend time with their children and make them feel comfortable," Lennan said. "Most importantly, they need to believe them."

Garcia, the Estrella's House director, said school district leaders sometimes avoid the topic because they want to "reduce liability" and avoid retaliation against the accused party.

"The hardest people for us to educate is not the victim or the parent, it's the professionals," he said. "People have to know they can report without worrying about repercussions."

A state law passed last year requires employees such as teachers, janitors and bus drivers to submit to criminal background checks.

And all employees undergo sexual harassment prevention seminars annually to become familiar with definitions and examples of sexual harassment and how to report it.

"It's important that children don't put up with it and report it," said Craig Verley, a spokesman for the Mission school district. "Ultimately, the child's well-being is of utmost concern."

If a child accuses an employee of abuse and an investigation is launched, the employee is typically placed on administrative leave pending the outcome of the investigation, Verley said.

"It's not punitive," he said. "It's something we do to protect the employee and the alleged victim."

Parents sometimes ignore their children when they say a friend or relative is touching them inappropriately. Experts say it can be more difficult for adults to acknowledge abuse than it is for children.

"Parents will usually believe their children when they say it was a stranger," said Stephanie Diaz, an investigation supervisor with CPS. "But if a parent doesn't believe them, it can have lasting effects on a child."

Experts say most young victims first mention sexual abuse to their friends because they don't trust adults. Most children Luna has interviewed have said peers affirmed to them "it was wrong" for an adult to touch them inappropriately.

"I can stand in front of 100 kids and talk about abuse until I'm blue in the face," Luna said. "But if their best friend tells them it was wrong, they will believe them first."

Children usually show signs of abuse before they actually talk about it, Luna said. The most common signs are withdrawal from friends and family, depression and self-destructive behavior. Some also suffer from extreme weight gain or loss and bedwetting.

"Parents usually have a gut feeling when something's wrong," Luna said. "Most kids I talk to say they didn't mention it earlier because no one had asked before."